Bleed On

That’s right. My blog has become solely dedicated to the examination of inconvenient bodily fluids. But hey, without the slightly uncomfortable shock factor, how else could you distinguish my food blog from the ‘Look at me! I made a Food Network Magazine recipe and I took pictures using Instagram. But first let me preface all of this with a forgettable and overly detailed description of how I volunteered at a dog shelter’ ones?!

Kidding aside, I discovered in March, via a much overdue visit to the doctor, that I had a lingering strain of mistreated strep for a month’s time. After an intense shot of antibiotics and nearly a week of pill popping, I finally was on the mend. It felt truly incredible to be healthy after a month of constant exhaustion, fevers, and throat pain. Truth be told, I  have always been prone to sickness. Growing up, fevers, stomach aches, the flu, pink eye, sore throats, and allergic reactions to medication kept me home. I distinctly remember missing the day of math when we learned how to do two-digit multiplication.That was pretty stressful; I wasn’t certain I would catch up with the other kids.

One ailment I never suffered from was bloody noses. That is, not until I was well beyond childhood. I am now, in my older age, a nose bleeder. I find this peculiar, because I associate nose bleeds with behaviorally challenged eight year old boys. A bloody nose doesn’t strike me as an adult illness. There is nothing sophisticated, complex, or even interesting about a nose bleed. Blood vessels in the nose become dry and irritated, and as a result bleed. It’s that simple. Not to mention incredibly messy and traumatic if you are not near a tissue or other type of absorbent material. I just wish I had developed a more socially acceptable condition. ADD is so popular that I’m surprised when someone doesn’t have it. Gluten allergies are alluring. Whole Foods has a way of making baked goods devoid of this gluey protein more delectable looking than any gluten-full chocolate chip cookie I’ve laid eyes on. Dyscalculia may explain why only 14% of U.S. college students enroll in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) programs. The spurting of blood from my nose, on the other hand, has only alarmed people. Secrets don’t make friends, and nose bleeds don’t either.

I will, however, admit that one of my nose bleeds created a comical situation. At Christmas time, my friend invited me to a party out in Mendenhall, where farm land abounds and movie theaters are extinct.  I, a single Presbyterian Northerner,  was immersed in a throng of mostly married Southern Baptist Mississippians. I felt out of my element . It didn’t help when I told them I was an engineer. They exchanged disparaging looks, as if I had chosen a calculator and Excel spreadsheets over the joys of marriage and motherhood. Nevertheless, I was fed Chex Mix and included in the gift exchange. The subsequent bonfire was pleasant, and I began to enjoy myself. As I was chatting with my friend and her old acquaintance, I felt a wetness in my nose which I thought to be snot. Except it was very runny. As the unidentified fluid began dripping from my nose and I caught it with my hand, I soon realized what was actually happening. I ran towards the house with my hand over my face. Bonfire attendees must have been puzzled, not having seen the blood flow. By the time I barged through the door, I mirrored Rocky post-[minor]-fight. That was, at least, my interpretation of the reaction I got from party attendees still lingering in the kitchen. One of t
he said attendees works with kids and knew just how to stop the bleeding. I felt very silly, like I was back in second grade, minus the under bite and pig tails.

I was pretty embarrassed at the time, but in retrospect my nose bleeding misfortune is plain funny. Sometimes it’s good to come across as a bit ridiculous. It endears us to others and forces us to let our hair down. Speaking of unwinding, I have discovered that Diet Sierra Mist mixed with Mike’s Strawberry Margarita helps me loosen up a bit. 1/2 of each component equates to 100 calories. For added effect, I throw some frozen fruit in. Enjoy!