Tag Archives: online dating

Ask the Pretty Girl Out

25 May

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I’ve sampled the online dating realm. Multiple times. Thank you, array of iPhone apps, for the glorious social experiment. OkCupid fixed me up with a swell Harvard law graduate, and Match sat me down to coffee with a gorgeous fireman, apparently too gorgeous. I should have taken a step back when Tinder had me driving from Jackson to Birmingham to meet the guy from Chattanooga halfway. But I kept trucking along, determined to swipe right until something worked out. Bumble, the feminist version of Tinder in which girls have to make the first move, did finally make me slow down, and I didn’t make it past a little blasé cyber chatter. Which brings me to my point: guys should be asking girls out. In person. Period.

Online dating doesn’t make much sense. At 7 pm, you’re excited about grabbing drinks with Ryan, who sends the wittiest text messages and seems pretty cute in the motorcycle picture. By 10 pm, you’ve realized he wasn’t trying to be funny in those text messages, and the motorcycle picture was an optical illusion. And, to top it off, you’ve inherited his habit of responding to texts with ‘lolololol’ and just can’t quit. So you kick him to the curb, find someone else, get your hopes up again, and are back at disappointed and analyzing whether you overshared on a Wednesday night.

I don’t care if everyone else is doing it; online dating is the pits, and it must come to an end. Dudes, get off the couch and take some initiative. Put the Doritos down, skip the obscure Turkish soccer match, and venture into the world. Maybe even risk asking the pretty girl out, cuz she’ll probably buy you a drink just for having some moxie. As Philip Wegmann notes in his article Women Lose When Men Bumble, “cute girls will always be intimidating.” But what’s the worst thing that could happen? She says no thanks, your head remains unbitten off, and your manhood is intact. I think y’all male types can manage that, especially since the best thing that could happen is she says yes, and it’s all gravy from there.

And ladies, if you’re still wading through the online bros who love travel, the gym, and (drum roll please) adventure, as perhaps yours truly is, don’t give lazy guys a chance. If he doesn’t even attempt to start the online conversation, please ‘unmatch’ him and move on.

No man-hating session would be complete without chocolate. My cousin visited a couple of weekends ago, and to complement a Netflix binge we concocted a low cal chocolate pudding parfait. So instead of throwing your phone across the room when six-pack Nick hasn’t responded for 24 hours, channel that frustration into eating this:

CHOCOLATE PUDDING, BERRY, and GRAHAM CRACKER PARFAIT

(Servings: 2)

PUDDING:

Make 1 box of sugar-free, fat free instant chocolate pudding according to the instructions, with 1% milk. Use 1 cup of pudding in parfaits, and store the remaining cup for later use.

GRAHAM CRACKER CRUMBS:

Ground up two full graham cracker sheets in a food processor. Add 1/2 Tbs. of melted butter.

FRUIT:

Slice 1 cup of strawberries.

ASSEMBLY:

In two glass cups, layer pudding, graham cracker crumbs (use all of them), and whipped cream twice. Top with strawberries.

CALORIES per serving: (contingent on a sparing use of whipped cream!) 260

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Aside

Some-body

7 Sep

Lately, I’ve been wrestling with my body image. I believe this is in part due to a recent venture into online dating (which will, by the way, fuel a deliciously good future post). When creating my profile, I struggled with the ‘body type’ options, which are: ‘slender’, ‘athletic and toned’, ‘about average’, ‘curvy’, ‘big and beautiful,’ ‘full-figured’, ‘heavy set’, ‘a few extra pounds’, and ‘stocky.’ First of all, it irritates me that there are five or six options that are code for ‘I’m fat’ but only three or four options that characterize the vast array of normal shapes. Second of all, for the sake of accuracy I would have really liked to fill out this section of the profile on a body part to body part basis. From my perspective, my arms and legs are ‘athletic and toned’; my stomach/hips are curvy; and my butt might just be verging into ‘full-figured’ territory. So in conclusion, no, I cannot place my body type into a neatly packaged one to four words.

Based on my life as an American thus far, which I’ve lived across four different states, and a wealth of time spent reading tabloids at grocery store checkout lines, women in our society desire to be lean and toned. On the other hand, most guys I talk to like curvy. Oh, with a flat stomach, that is. Conclusion? The majority of women have achieved curvy, thanks very much…in all the wrong places. And if we ever reach lean and toned, we’ll have to be happy with a flat stomach and diminished good curves. It’s a Catch 22, short of plastic surgery.

I’ve decided that yes, I’m going to always battle with self-loathing. Yes, I’m going to continue to attempt to eat healthy and exercise, then have a brownie binge when I can’t take it anymore. But at the same time, I’m also going to let go and celebrate not being a stick, yet also not being overweight; not being perfectly toned yet also having great arms. I’m not going to always win the incessant battle with my overly negative brain, but I can at least win a couple rounds here and there, right?

2 Days In Paris_Julie Delpy

Delpy, in ‘2 Days in Paris’

This helps, too: watch Julie Delpy in the film 2 Days in Paris. Delpy is in her mid-thirties, somewhat fleshy, and fashion-apathetic. Yet I think she’s beautiful. Maybe it’s her French accent, which causes her to pronounce all of her vowels funny; or her nerdy nuggets of information, such as a theory that people with opposing immune systems are more attracted to one another; or her affectionate yet boisterous relationship with her parents; or the fights she picks in French with a taxi driver she’s assessed to be racist, fascist, and with Nazi leanings, and across a restaurant with an ex-boyfriend who dumped her to sleep around, even with third world 12-year-olds; or how invested she is in every conversation, even if it’s just about her cat’s recent weight gain; or her ability to tolerate a self-involved, fickle, neurotic boyfriend; or her willingness to be made fun of and picked at. All of her idiosyncrasies, vulnerabilities, and causes, even her dysfunction at times, make her far more attractive than if instead she weighed 20 pounds less.

Well, not to feed (literally!) the drive to constantly be thinner, but I’m posting two sweet potato recipes. And as it turns out Matthew Morrison from Glee ate only sweet potatoes for three days prior to his photo shoot for the cover of the December 2010 issue of Details magazine. One recipe is for lunch; the other is for dinner. Enjoy! And don’t feel fat while you eat either of these, please!!

BROCCO-CHEESE SWEET POTATO (Servings: 1)

INGREDIENTS:

-1 plastic-wrapped sweet potato (these are available at most grocery stores)brocco cheese sweet potato

-2 cups or 4 spears of frozen broccoli, depending on type purchased

-2 Tbs. low-fat mozzarella cheese

-Small amount of ketchup/light mayo, mixed

DIRECTIONS:

Microwave the sweet potato for 1.5 to 2.5 minutes, until tender. Remove from plastic and place onto plate. Cut lengthwise. Place broccoli and cheese on top of potato. Microwave until broccoli is warm and cheese is melted. Salt and pepper to taste. This may seem weird, but once I get down to the potato skin, I like to dip it in a mix of ketchup and mayo.

CALORIES: 250

TEX-MEX SWEET TATER

INGREDIENTS: 

-1 plastic-wrapped sweet potatotex-mex sweet tater

-1/4 cup low-fat mozzarella cheese

-2 stalks green onion, chopped

-1/2 large tomato, diced

-1/4 cup black beans

-1/3 cup frozen corn

-1/4 cup plain, low-fat Greek yogurt

DIRECTIONS:

Microwave the sweet potato for 1.5 to 2.5 minutes, until tender. Meanwhile, heat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Remove sweet potato from microwave; place on baking sheet. Cut lengthwise and sprinkle cheese on top. Bake 5-10 minutes, until cheese is melted. Meanwhile, chop green onion and tomato, and thaw frozen corn. Combine tomato, black beans, and corn in small bowl. Remove sweet potato from oven. Top with tomato, black beans, corn. Then top with yogurt. Finally, sprinkle with green onions.

CALORIES: 340