Tag Archives: motherhood

Lady Reagan

22 Dec

This is Reagan Elisabeth Frank, my firstborn, newborn baby girl. (Ok, she’s actually 8-weeks old yesterday. I meant to finish and post this weeks ago.)

She is furry and soft all over. She has a Winnie the Pooh physique, fat little hands, and hair that sticks up in multiple directions. She grunts a lot and loves to snuggle up against me with her arms thrown above her head. She has a distinctive cry. It’s not really a cry, more of a rhythmic, bleating “eh, eh, eh!” She makes sweet cooing noises and these adorable poses – one hand on the side of her face, a two arm stretch, both hands intertwined on her lap, one hand under her chin – while she sleeps. She has an uncanny ability to wet the changing pad between diaper changes, or worse. She is strong, as confirmed by the pediatrician’s shock at her 1-week appointment when he placed her on her belly and she lifted her head without any help. In other words, she is perfect. Not because she is cute, or a “good baby,” but simply because she is mine.

Ever since I gave birth to Lady Reagan on October 26th, a Candace Owen’s instagram post has been running through my head: “It’s true what they say, the whole world stops when your first child is born.” I don’t know the original source of this quote, but the moment when I first held Reagan will always be frozen in time. The instinctive connection a mother has with her child is impossible to describe, but absolutely real.

A few days after my now family of three returned home from the hospital, my uncle sent Reagan a “birthday song,” Stevie Wonder’s Isn’t She Lovely. The lyrics are about the birth of his daughter, Aisha Morris. I cried when Reagan was born, and I teared up listening to Isn’t She Lovely. To add to the emotional charge this song now carries for me, my sister danced to it with my dad at her wedding. A capable dancer, she led my dad in a pseudo-fox trot, both of them smiling ear-to-ear.

An abundance of joy and love comes with the birth of your first child, but so does an abundance of frustration and exhaustion. Some nights, when Lady Reagan wants to have a 2-hour hangout at 1 am, I lose my patience. I command her to fall asleep, to stop crying, to just be still. But babies don’t respond to pleas or threats, or even gentle persuasion. I am forced to learn patience, to be on her schedule, to learn the rhythms of another.

I am learning to be joyful, and I am learning to be patient (my husband could only interpret the latter half of that sentence as irony, given my track record). These lessons call to mind two Bible verses. “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” (Psalm 34:8) and “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) Becoming a mother has revealed to me my need for Jesus. It has led me to the cross, begging for His mercy and intervention. And it has framed Christ’s love for us, His children, anew.