Pon de Replay

25 Sep

After a careful analysis of the tasteless selection of music downloaded onto my ipod shuffle, I’ve come to the conclusion that at least the lyrics aren’t so bland. A couple of posts back I jocosely commented on lyrical witticisms discovered in the genre gently referred to as ‘popular music.’ But these days I’m noticing the occurrence of some pretty strange lyrics, too. Albeit these odd bits of prose are typically nested into the song’s third or fourth verse, but nonetheless they are there. I’ve been baffled, even scrunch-faced, over these bizarre word combinations. I like to think that all the other artists out there take Jamie Foxx quite literally, and are blamin’ it on the alcohol. Because there is just no other excuse. Permit me to elaborate:

Chris and Rihanna, looking a bit dazed.

I like to ease into my exercise routine, and really most aspects of my day that I can get away with, by cranking up a Chris Brown hit. A current favorite is “I Wanna Be,” which clearly wasn’t written for Rihanna (verse 4: “wanna be the one that ain’t gonna hurt you …”) However it’s this line, “and [imagine] the tissue that you wiped your face with was my hand,” that makes me wonder if Breezy has ever blown his nose before. Is it just me, or is that crossing the line between lover and…well, nurses aide??

Karmin members Amy Heidemann and Nick Noonan are admittedly adorable.

To resurge energy levels, I’ll switch over to a peppy Karmin tune. Initially, “Brokenhearted” is a catchy little number about a  girl anxiously awaiting a phone call from a guy. But it rapidly degrades into a cry for help. She dives right into it, with: “Not a single word, sipping on a Patrón just to calm my nerves.” No, there is no such thing as casually sipping on Patrón. I think even the most seasoned Cancun resort bartender would be arranging a destination AA meeting for you at that point.

No comment.

This last one diverges from my exercise routine (but in case you were wondering, I like to wrap that up with Nicki Minaj!). The song has been grating on my nerves for quite some time, though, and I’d like to finally release the negative energy. The very first line in Katy Perry‘s chart topper “Firework,” sends me over the edge. “Do you ever feel like a plastic bag…” Stop right there, because no explanation will do. No, there has never been even one moment in my life where I’ve felt like a plastic bag. I mean, what’s next – will Katy soon be comparing human beings to vacuum cleaner bags too?

A small dose of quirky is somewhat refreshing. At least the aforementioned lyrics beat the stereotypical love song ones by a long stretch. And quirky can be refreshing in food combinations, too. Take the Waldorf salad – it is a bit strange to cover fruit in mayonnaise, but definitely delicious. Check out my quirked-out version of the Waldorf:

WALDORF SALAD:

INGREDIENTS: 

1 apple

10 grapes

1 Tbs. dried cranberries

1 Tbs. light mayonnaise

DIRECTIONS:

Chop the apple into bite size pieces. Split the grapes lengthwise. Combine fruit, cranberries, and mayonnaise in bowl. Eat.

CALORIES: 180

It could use a little crunch. Perhaps I should add celery next time? Tweak it to me, please!

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One Response to “Pon de Replay”

  1. suzie December 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    I object to the lack of walnuts, Heather. I know they are higher calorie, but very healthy and contain protein.

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